I will now use my magical wizard powers to think like the greatest thinker of our day, Megyn Kelly!

Pepper spray –

It’s a food product, essentially.

Choking someone –

It’s a hug, essentially.

Rape –

It’s showing your affection, essentially.

Theft –

It’s extended borrowing, essentially.

I can feel the wisdom and wisniosity flowing through my skull already. One day, I will be as good at magical thinking as Megyn Kelly!