Archives for posts with tag: Fox news

The United States is just getting stupid. Everything, everywhere at any point in time can now get you into some sort of civil or legal trouble. This article¬†details the plight of a 13 year old who was arrested for burping in class. First, burps are usually involuntary, and second, even if he burped on purpose, since when is that illegal? At worst he should have been sent to the principal’s office.

When I was in 5rd grade, I got sent into the hall for having the hiccups in an English class once. Though I didn’t think so at the time, that was probably a merited response. I’m one of those people who has super loud hiccups that sound like the unholy mix of a harmonica, a rooster at the volume of an air horn. Plus, when I get the hiccups, they tend to last for like 30 minutes. Luckily for me, it only happens about once a year, and even more luckily for me, I didn’t get the hiccups in modern day New Mexico, in a 7th grade classroom, because that would probably get me arrested.

I remember being pretty upset that I was sent out into the hall for hiccuping. I really liked being at school and English was my favorite class when I was in 5th grade. If I had been arrested for it, that would have messed me up really well. Not to mention the big black mark this kid is going to have on his permanent record.

Am I the only one who thinks we should be arresting murderers and rapists and thieves and bankers who steal trillions in tax money? Can’t we just leave gassy children alone?


This link proves it.

He’s got to be pandering to the sick, evil douchebag crowd. I can think of no other explanation.

These two lines:


“Really poor children, in really poor neighborhoods have no habits of working and have nobody around them who works so they have no habit of showing up on Monday”

“They have no habit of staying all day, they have no habit of I do this and you give me cash unless it is illegal


Blow my mind. I can’t even do my snarky wizard role play thing in response. Whether or not Gingrich wins the Republican nomination or the presidency, is going to be completely¬†dependent¬†on the number of evil douchebags who vote. Nobody else will vote for this twisted muppet man.

I will now use my magical wizard powers to think like the greatest thinker of our day, Megyn Kelly!

Pepper spray –

It’s a food product, essentially.

Choking someone –

It’s a hug, essentially.

Rape –

It’s showing your affection, essentially.

Theft –

It’s extended borrowing, essentially.

I can feel the wisdom and wisniosity flowing through my skull already. One day, I will be as good at magical thinking as Megyn Kelly!